The Hard Way

Let’s face it, Reader-Friends…

I do everything the hard way! Seriously, I have a curse. I guess I’m one of those “lesson learned” kind of people. You know what I’m talking about; you take the wrong turn, say the wrong thing, make the wrong decision, and as a result figure out what would have been or maybe is right. I must re-emphasize: this is the story of my life!

If you are a Facebook, Twitter, or real-life friend, then you have probably noted  some emotional, rant-y, maybe even a tad bit dramatic posts. Well, wouldn’t you post such if you decided to change your career goals and life path your senior year of college!? I’m sure sure there are plenty of you that are rolling your eyes and thinking: Have you met the American college student? It happens all the time. Right? Many of you probably changed your major a billion times too. And I take comfort in that, really. But I just can’t help but be scared out of mind too!

I have had a goal in sight for at least  five years now. My junior year of high school I fell in love with everything English and decided that I  was going to teach it. My teacher that year was so enthusiastic about the subject. She made it so interesting, and entertaining, and fun-even for those kids that could care less about being at school. I wanted to be “just like her.”

But guess what? I was a different person in high school. Very different. And I was a different person my freshman year of college. And so on and so on. Ya’ll, I have done a lot of self-discovery during my young adult years but never as much as I did this summer. While I was absolutely miserable with my head in text books (this being the joy of summer school), I was alone--as in with myself, all. the. time. As a result, I was in some low places, but in some good places too. It was in those low places that I figured out a lot about myself. Well, maybe I didn’t figure myself out; I just began to accept myself. I did this on many levels, but the one pertaining to this post is my personality, my character—who God made me. I wanted so badly (especially as a Christian) to be the kind of person to love and invest in young people.  I wanted so badly to share my crazy passion for literature and writing. I wanted so badly to find joy in devoting all my time and energy to growing the minds of teenagers. But I haven’t had any joy during my study of education. none at all. In fact, apathy has been breeding in my heart with every education class I take. I know that probably sounds so harsh, especially to all my teacher and future teacher friends, but I have finally come to terms with these feelings. God has confirmed that I shouldn’t feel guilty and that I should accept that he has other plans for me.

I think that when I chose English education as my field of study, I was very ignorant of what I could do with English outside of the classroom. Since being in college, I have discovered other options. Here is the option I have chosen: I’m going finish my degree in English (without the teacher certification) and then it’s off to Graduate school in order to give rise to other career opportunities. There are some financial consequences to my decision, which is why this is considered the hard way, that and the fact that I chose to make a major change my senior year. I have decided, however, that I don’t know too many people that are debt free in this world, but I do know a lot of happy people and I am determined to be one of them. So, if doing what I love and being who I am supposed to be means paying off more loans, then I am thinking it is worth it.

So there you have it; new beginnings at the end. I’m sure there will be more posts about these changes to come.

By the way, I have been up since 3 a.m. because of my nerves! I’m meeting with the chair of the English department to discuss changing my entire schedule for the semester. Class starts Monday. What the heck am I doing?